Neurochemical Agony

About neurochemical agony. I think I started experiencing the real adult problems only at the age of 24. Faced a totally new kind of agony. I don't know how to describe it precisely and how to name this awful symptom, so I will call it neurochemical agony. Or maybe this is how endogenous depression is displayed. First of all, endogenous depression doesn't depend on external circumstances. It occurs due to imbalance of certain substances in your brain. So it is caused by biological or genetic factors and can happen even if a person can be deemed objectively happy, successful or doesn't experience any major stress. So in my case the cause is also biological and runs at the neuroendocrine level.
I would describe it as a mix of depression, anxiety and panic multiplied by 10 and it feels like your soul is being extorted and you are burning from the inside. It feels like the blackest despair, as if nothing good awaits for you and you have no future, you're feeling wasted and doomed. All the negative emotions you have ever felt - despair, fear, sorrow and grief, disgust for life and hopelessness will embrace you and will be raised to the 10th power.  If you've ever been depressed, multiply it by 10 and concentrate it from year to one day. This is what you will experience. Anxiety is a wrong word for this, as this agony feels much worse than just anxiety. This feeling can arise without any reason or can be triggered by some insignificant stress you would ignore another time - then you feel some kind of explosion inside when certain substances are released in yout blood after a chemical reaction. What we consider to be an ordinary balanced mood without much joy is not zero. When zero happens, the light will turn off and an abyss will devour you. This is can be only treated by serious meds, but I noticed I'm developing tolerance and they are not as much efficient, as before. Also, I can't sleep again. Need to see my psychiatrist next week.

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