Hurts.

It hurts really bad. Tearing me apart. My soul is bleeding and I can't stand this excruciating pain any more. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe. Can't even cry, as my tears froze inside me. Everything I do is useless. I'm just wasting time. I feel like my heart has been torn out. Like I have a thousand knives inside. This loss is so hard to bear that my life lost its sense. It's pointless no matter what I do, as if I'm trying to cover a hole as large as the galaxy. I have no more reason to wake up. I don't know how to keep living without you, I can't move on. I don't want to live without you. I was ready to do everything, to change myself, to sacrifice myself and make you happy, to forgive, to concede, to protect you, to give you the last piece I have, to take care of your family, to support you, to be your shield, your blanket, your fire, your gun. I dedicated music to you. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe some of my mistakes were unforgivable and I wish I could go back in time and try to fix them. I can't live with this. I wish I could just disappear. No one can replace you, people are so empty for me. They will never be what you were for me and they will never mean as much as you meant to me. A tiger will never eat grass even if it's hungry. I don't want to do this for anyone else. I don't want to accept anyone else's flaws, I don't want to look for a compromise, look after their ugly dogs, communicate with their parents and families, party with their dumb friends, take any responsibility, share their sorrow and comfort them,  keep the house clean. I would only do this for you. Never thought I would come to this point. But I love you more than anyone else in this world, even more than my family. Trying to express my feelings is like trying to take a picture of the moon with the phone camera.

Dear God, please rescue me. I'm praying for help. Save me from this hell. I can't fight the void inside that kills me. Without your help I'm nothing. What promise should I give and keep to deserve a relief? What should I do? I really want him back... I can't believe we won't be together. I can't accept it. Please help me fix things or just let it go. Break this awful loop. I beg you. Let me know what I should do. Guide me through. Give me hope. Give me a reason to wake up. Take me into the light. Please... Amen.