Eat A Helicopter

There are different types and stages of hunger. Types: 1. Emotional. You want some particular meal because it attracts you at a certain point of time. 2. Psychological. You are stressed or bored. Why not eat, indeed 3. Physical. Your body has run out of energy and necessary microelements Stages 1. You're feeling hungry but would still prefer some product over another if there was choice 2. You are ready to eat any type of meal 3. You are ready to eat a rat if it's well-cooked. Or let's say smoked worms 4. You are ready to eat a live/raw rat

About neurochemical agony. I think I started experiencing the real adult problems only at the age of 24. Faced a totally new kind of agony. I don't know how to describe it precisely and how to name this awful symptom, so I will call it neurochemical agony. Or maybe this is how endogenous depression is displayed. First of all, endogenous depression doesn't depend on external circumstances. It occurs due to imbalance of certain substances in your brain. So it is caused by biological or genetic factors and can happen even if a person can be deemed objectively happy, successful or doesn't experience any major stress. So in my case the cause is also biological and runs at the neuroendocrine level. I would describe it as a mix of depression, anxiety and panic multiplied by 10 and it feels like your soul is being extorted and you are burning from the inside. It feels like the blackest despair, as if nothing good awaits for you and you have no future, you're feeling wasted and...

I think I will die soon. My end is coming. Also, my life has lost any sense and became meaningless to me. Nothing can fill this emptiness, a galaxy-sized hole which cannot be covered by any miserable things. I'm afraid of this void most of all. Maybe I sound pessimistic although I'm not, but I don't see or feel anything ahead. It's about my 6th sense, no, let's call it intuition. There is no future ahead. I'm a person who has a lot of work and plenty of hobbies. I have friends. I'm grateful for what I have. Thanks God, thanks everyone. I love you all. But now I'm dead inside. Trying to fight, but there is nothing to fight for. A real samurai will not swing a sword in vain. Nothing left. My life is already taken. I'm wasted and buried alive. Torn apart. Thrown away. Feeling hopeless and miserable, lost and trapped and I can't break this loop. I can't breathe. Drowning and suffocating. My soul is devoured by this void. I wish I had no emotion...